Conducting a Reality Check
Why this tactic matters
Our ego operates as a mechanism to protect our self-esteem, focusing on positive feedback that reinforces our self worth and playing down those views that might question our effectiveness. Conducting a Reality Check puts ego temporarily to one side to attend to others’ perceptions of your impact and review objectively your fundamental strengths and limitations. This identifies the talents you can exploit more fully and those shortcomings which can’t be ignored but need to be addressed.
The Looking Glass
A young man who has lived his life in a small Brazilian village is called for
military service. Over time, he becomes a lieutenant. On his return home in
uniform, he is the envy of the village and everyone insists on addressing him
as “senhor lieutenant”. Initially embarrassed, the young man then begins to enjoy the experience. But one day the family have to attend to a sick relative. And he is left alone in the house and feels lost. In his room, there is an enormous mirror. He looks at the mirror but his outline is blurred and confused. And then he has an idea. He takes his army uniform from the wardrobe and puts it on. And immediately his image in the mirror becomes solid and clear. His feeling of sanity and identify returns. Every day thereafter he pulls on the uniform, and sits in front of the mirror.
Our personal identity is largely wrapped up in how others see us. We feel good when others praise us and we find criticism difficult. This is for the most part how it should be; others provide a reality check. Without that feedback, we would fail to recognise our impact on others or determine where our real talents and capabilities lie. But there is something else: our own awareness of our strengths and shortcomings and our conviction of our potential to be something different and better in future.