Life Dynamics

Easy Going Intimacy

Why this tactic matters
The mistrust of others and their intentions can be a blockage to the positive relationships that enhance our lives. Easy Going Intimacy breaks through interpersonal barriers to engage others and involve them fully in your plans. A relaxed and approachable manner which is attentive to others’ needs presents little threat, encourages openness and builds commitment.

Keeping a distance from others, potentially suspicious of their intentions and critical of their motivations		Finding it easy to establish rapport with others, opening up an open dialogue to build close relationships quickly

Who's OK? Others are your mirror Remember the rules of friendship Don't upset people unnecessarily Suspicion arises out of insecurity Why are the lying bastards lying to me Remember what it's like Walk in another person's shoes Don't sit in judgement on others Value differences Know how to apologise Mandela's Prison Guards I got it Praise and keep praising Ask for help and support Don't play cat and mouse Smile Compliment creatively Keep a gratitude log Direct humour		Say “no” Respect is better than popularity “Be a peacemaker if you want to be a saint, otherwise” Go with the grain of human nature “If they tell it to you, they’ll tell it about you” Listen to the sounds of silence Don’t invest emotionally in bad relationships Watch out for the “games people play” Sincerity is the cleverest of ruses Innocent as doves and wise as serpents How many friends can you manage? Identify your genuine friends Know how to “fire” Different strokes for different folks Disclosure is not indiscretion

Tit for Tat
Game theory, made famous in the “Prisoner’s Dilemma”, explores how we make decisions, specifically, the kinds of decisions which depend on what other people may or may not do. When is it best to compete: to focus on advancing our own individual interests? And when does it make sense to cooperate: to work with others to achieve a collective outcome? In computer simulations, testing out every possible permutation of competitive and collaborative strategies, the simplest and nicest programme – “Tit For Tat” - won hands down. The “tit for tat” strategy begins by being nice, by collaborating. But if collaboration isn’t reciprocated, it retaliates to punish competition. And as soon as the other player sees the consequence, the forgiveness of “tit for tat” restores mutual cooperation.

The sting in the tail: in one-off games, “Tit for Tat” falls apart, beaten easily by more hawkish strategies. Easy Going Intimacy then works best over the long run for those relationships and interactions which will develop over time. Reserve and suspicion may be important tactics to retain and deploy for other social encounters