Staying Connected
A proactive networker, building and maintaining a matrix of relationships across different spheres to extend influence
Be a good judge of character. Evaluate the “authentic moments” of life. Don’t be overly impressed by background, reputation or status. Take time to get to know people for who and what they are, not what they themselves or others say about them. People reveal themselves – the real them – not in the formal and structured moments of life, but in:
- the most innocent of situations (e.g. the beginnings and endings of meetings when they aren’t “performing” in public)
- in times of crisis and emergency (e.g. under stress when they are not at their most confident or powerful)
- in their relationships with those of more or less power (e.g. how they treat others up and down the hierarchy).
Don’t jump to conclusions about others until you have seen them at their best and worst in different social situations.
Look out for friends who are enemies. “God protect me from my friends; I can take care of my enemies.” Not everyone will admire you for your achievements, confidence or social poise. Some will envy you and look to undermine your credibility. Don’t be paranoid but recognise that some individuals will be happy to see you fail. Whilst your friends will reinforce your sense of well being, it will be your enemies who keep you on your toes and alert to the challenges with the potential to damage your long-term interests. Know which of your “friends” are your enemies.
Make yourself indispensable. In reality, few people are indispensable. Life goes on and work gets done in their absence. But the impression of indispensability is powerful. Others come to you because of your experience, expertise and knowledge and your influence and power to get things done increases. Never get taken for granted. Ensure everyone understands your distinctive contribution.
Search out talent. Make it a priority to work only with the most talented, energetic, creative and motivated individuals in their field, however demanding and difficult they may be. And if you find yourself operating within a work group comprising the disillusioned, cynical or simply dull, get out. Not only will this work environment hold back the progress of your advancement, it will eventually drag you down into an acceptance of mediocrity. Smart and intelligent colleagues will keep you on your toes. They will challenge your self-esteem. But they will also motivate you to keep raising your own game.
Spot the rising stars. Establishing close relationships with the current set of influential players can be difficult. Instead, build relationships with those individuals with the potential to succeed in future. Some of these individuals can be identified quickly. Their outstanding energy and talent easily mark them out from their peers. Others are less obvious. Look out for the quiet but determined and intelligent individual who is achieving exceptional things in a low profile way. These are the individuals you need to nurture; their future may determine your future.
Seek out diversity. Get to know people who are different to you, individuals with different social backgrounds, educational and business and professional experience and life outlooks to your own. Diversity brings difference with the potential for disagreement. But it also gives you access to a pool of talent with a wealth of fresh ideas to stimulate your thinking. You will learn more from those with a different view of the world than by keeping to a small circle of like-minded people with similar backgrounds and opinions to your own. Stay connected not simply to old friends and former colleagues. Look for ways to meet those with a different “take” on life. Don’t just socialise with colleagues from the same department, organisation or walk of life. Widen your social circle to incorporate those of different ages and from different backgrounds.
“Too much circulation and your price goes down.” Keep a distance. Don’t become so over-exposed that others begin to take you for granted. “Familiarity breeds contempt”. Avoid becoming ordinary and commonplace. Do whatever you need to do to withdraw and establish a distance between you and work colleagues. Don’t become standoffish; simply go off to take on another project. Your absence will remind others of your importance.
Act as a middleman. Use your connections to bring together your contacts who could benefit from meeting each other. Don’t hoard them. Be imaginative in spotting which of your contacts may have something in common. And use your relationships to facilitate the introductions. But don’t allow others to exploit you and your connections. Recognise that some individuals are all “take” and no “give”. And don’t expect gratitude from everyone. Paradoxically, some acts of generosity on your part have the result of making others feel less rather than more favourably disposed towards you. Don’t set yourself up to be exploited. Look at the “relationship traffic”. Is it all going one way in the direction of others? Or is any of the traffic coming towards you?
Choose your role models wisely. Role models can be an important motivational force in our lives. They provide a concrete example of what is possible in life. But only if we see that individual’s achievement as relevant and meaningful to our own life situation. Choose the wrong role model and you will end up with a lopsided view of life priorities and ultimately more dissatisfied your life situation. Know who in life you admire and why. List out the three individuals who have motivated you the most in life. Why? Don’t only look at what they have accomplished. Evaluate how they achieved their success.
Be careful with your associates. If birds of a feather flock together, check which flock you’re seen in. Loyalty is a virtue, but association with some people - inside or outside the organisation - can only damage your reputation. Be a shrewd judge of character to be selective in your choice of work colleagues and business contacts.
Be discreet. Your network of connections and the inter-play of mutual friendships give you access to information (who likes who, who detests who, who is seen on the up and who is seen as yesterday’s news, etc). Don’t mismanage relationships through any indiscretions on your part. A confidence is a confidence and keep it that way. Others may enjoy the tittle-tattle and gossip of others’ problems, but joining in on the rumour will undermine your reputation.
Know when and how to end relationships. Don’t allow loyalty to your “friends” hold you back from advancing your goals. Loyalty is an admirable virtue but misplaced can be hazardous. It is difficult to break well-established relationships but recognise when your aims and your interests are diverging from those of your friends. Don’t let yourself be dragged down through a misguided loyalty to those previous friends whose values and ethics you now question. Be willing to end those relationships that are becoming counter-productive with the risk of undermining your personal credibility.
Spend some time alone. Build up your own inner resources to enjoy time with yourself. Don’t run yourself ragged in a gruelling schedule of breakfast briefings, lunchtime meetings and “weekend away days”. Solitude provides an opportunity for self-reflection, peace, calm and stillness to think through issues for yourself. So schedule in times of solitude. And if you find your own company either boring or difficult, ask why.