Life Dynamics

Constructive Conflict

Why this tactic matters
Conflict is an inevitability of life, particularly if you are assertive in advancing your life aims. There will be moments when others oppose your plans. Their resistance can either impede your progress or ignite counter-productive behaviour on your part. Constructive Conflict is the maturity of outlook which manoeuvres through disagreement, utilising negotiation to resolve differences whilst maintaining positive relationships to progress your personal agenda.

Avoiding the difficult interpersonal stuff, the kind of conflict that might create negative emotions		Confident in the face of conflict, prepared to address any disagreement or conflict in advancing goals

Conflict is inevitable Face up to conflict sooner rather than later Check out the tools in your conflict tool kit the Do’s and Don’ts of Confrontation No one can read your mind Embarrassment is part of the price to get what you want Never apologise, complain or explain Listen and be listened to Explore the options before you disagree Keep the monkey off your back Don’t let others wind you up When angry, count to ten before you speak Make waves rather than agree to anything if you have any doubts Never “tell it as it is” Never show how much you need it Avoid showdowns Defend a weak position Look out for the repertoire of dirty tricks and strong-arm techniques Don’t take on your boss Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face Stop digging		The 90-10 Rule of Negotiation Aggressive negotiation is not tough negotiation Acknowledge others’ emotions Look for a solution. Don’t complain Create a healthy dialogue in the work team Khrushchev’s Third Shoe Get out of futile disagreements Don’t win an argument you can’t win Not everyone operates in their best personal interests The sound of silence Listen well to argue well Fight fair Know the importance of timing Get some “No’s” Put the brakes on a blame cycle before it escalates When you complain, complain to the right person Go “nuclear”

Groupthink and the Bay of Pigs
“How could we have been so stupid?” demanded JF Kennedy, the US President after his administration’s bungled invasion of Cuba. Worried about Soviet plans to move into the U.S.’s “backyard”, the Kennedy administration embarked on an attempt to overthrow the Castro regime. The result: a humiliating defeat at the Bay of Pigs. Stupidity? No, the operation’s planners included some of the smartest people in America at the time. The administration failed because they allowed groupthink to mismanage the forces of disagreement, debate and conflict in planning the mission. Groupthink - the phenomenon which arises when teams work together but there is a need to preserve harmony, when no one wants to be the voice of dissent, and when critical thinking is subordinate to a position of power – was the dynamic behind the Bay of Pigs fiasco.

Conflict creates tension, tension with the potential to address deep-seated problems and find new solutions. The avoidance of conflict which ignores problems, pretending they don’t exist, or looks for solutions that won’t rock the boat, creates bigger problems for the long-term.

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