Power of Charm

Making a positive impression on others, engaging their interest and making a persuasive impact

Warhol’s Law. “I learned that you actually have more power when you shut up.” Know when to shut up. When others want to get a problem “off their chest”, are talking themselves out of their original position and persuading themselves around to your views, or are making a fool of themselves and alienating those you are attempting to influence, don’t interrupt. Let them do the work of influence for you. Keep quiet. And when you get the green light, go. When others agree to your plans, stop talking and get on with the job. Don’t continue your “sales pitch” when you have sold. You can only talk yourself into trouble.

Speak with power. Effective communication is not about the number of things you say or how clever or charming you are in saying them. It is about conveying a message that others understand and which changes their way of thinking towards your position.
say fewer things, but say them with conviction and say them slowly. And be prepared to repeat them. And follow up with a simple statement of the issues.

1. watch your use of “you know”, “sort of” and “maybe”. This kind of vagueness undermines your credibility.
2. stop the conversational “clichés”, those worn out phrases which make for stale and dull conversation.

We operate in a “clamour of communication”. Make yourself understood by stating and repeating a simple, vivid and compelling message.

Use flattery effectively. Flattery is best when directed at a quality that individuals recognise in themselves but others have yet to appreciate fully. Flattery, which lavishes indiscriminate praise to all and sundry, is seen for what it is: clumsy and insincere. Genuine charm is based on interpersonal sensitivity to spot in others what no one else has noticed.

Be courteous to produce results. The basics of good manners and business etiquette are important in establishing your credibility. But “courtesy” is not an excuse for inaction. Success won’t be achieved through social pleasantries or the willingness to allow discussions go round and round in circles. Don’t be rude; but do be prepared to focus other’s attention on conclusions and decisions.

“What’s the difference between checkers and chess?” In checkers, the pieces all move in the same way. In chess, all the pieces move differently. Social influence isn’t a game of checkers in which everyone is the same, motivated and driven by the same goals and ambitions. You are playing chess. The pieces are different. So, vary your approach. Charm, to be effective, needs to be flexible to manage the dynamics of different situations and expectations. Don’t rely on a general fluency and eloquence of words to communicate. This begins to bore others. For example in meetings, use your influence to involve and engage quieter members of a group. They will appreciate your attention and support. And deploy your charm to stop the “bore” or “fanatic” who is taking over the conversation. Others will value your conversational skill.

Know who you are up against. Your persuasive impact will depend on your ability to shift and adapt your approach in response to the different individuals you will encounter. There is no “one size fits all” communication strategy. Ranging from “Chip on the Shoulder”, the “Drama Queen” the “Know It All” to ”The Poser”, human nature comes in all shapes and sizes, with a variety of hang-ups. Understand who you are dealing with, their emotional and motivational hot spots and adapt your influencing tactics accordingly.

Don’t overdo it. Utilise your communication skills to make a positive impression, build influence and establish your credibility. But don’t see every social encounter as a competition to be the cleverest, wittiest, most entertaining, etc. This becomes tiring for everyone, especially to those who also want to be charming. And don’t alienate powerful others who may see your interpersonal approach as overbearing. Moderate your approach to respond to the dynamics of the situation and what you want to achieve. “Showing off” makes a short-term impact. Getting what you want requires subtlety.

Ask the stupid questions that others don’t. Use your credibility to ask the simple but awkward questions that no one else is willing to ask. Faced with a complex presentation, most people keep quiet, reluctant to make a fool of themselves. Draw on your power and influence to raise your hand and ask: ”What’s that all about?” At best you encourage a full and open debate about the issues which achieves commitment. Alternatively you notice that the “emperor is wearing no clothes”, and you ensure others don’t waste time on ridiculous ideas. www.mindtools.com

Prepare. Don’t “wing it”. Don’t assume that your powers of influence are a substitute for the hard work of preparing for meetings and other interpersonal encounters. There will come a moment when your persuasive charm will come up against highly shrewd and intelligent individuals, unimpressed by your flowery rhetoric. Be ready to provide logical answers to tough questions.

Know when and how to let others take the praise. Don’t claim credit for each and every achievement. It is true that unscrupulous colleagues may attempt to position themselves as responsible for your successes and distance themselves from any failings you may be linked with. You need to counter this tactic. Know these people and manage them. But do be generous in acknowledging others’ contribution and success. Let others shine. And do it with style and grace. Don’t embarrass those who find it difficult to accept praise. But do find ways to bring others into your achievements to highlight their personal contribution.

“Where’s the beef?” The sizzle of personal charm attracts attention and can be persuasive at least in the short term. A lasting contribution requires you to manage style and substance. Have something to say, something that is genuine, authentic, thought provoking and important. And use your facility with words to maximise the impact of your insights to engage others and command their interest. Don’t simply rely on engaging rhetoric or amusing anecdotes. Use these verbal manoeuvres but use them for a purpose: to establish yourself as a heavyweight individual with something of importance to say.

Know how to shift others’ opinions. It is difficult to make your voice heard in the “communication clamour” however personally engaging and charming you are. Understand the fundamentals:

• focus your influence on the key opinion formers. You don’t need to get your message across to everyone
• link your position to a credible individual or source. Don’t advance an “out-of-the-blue” proposition. Build on the arguments of trusted individuals.
• anticipate objections, raise and deal with them. Recognise in advance likely resistance and know how to overcome opposition
• don’t appear one-sided. Draw on qualifiers and counter-arguments to establish yourself as a moderate and mature individual. Fanaticism is not a recommended life tactic.
• be direct. State your conclusion clearly to leave others in no doubt of your proposals or recommendations.
• encourage others to join in and make the argument their own. Don’t assume your views will be accepted instantly. Work through the issues to allow others to make them real and personal for others.
• use repetition to reinforce your message. Don’t over-elaborate and go off a tangent.
• make your argument simple and easy to comprehend. End with a clear conclusion and recommendation and commitment to action.

Master the three key tools of communication life: the meeting, the presentation and the paper. For Peter Drucker, much of work success hinges on the effectiveness with which you:

• chair, facilitate and contribute to meetings
• present well to persuade others to your point of vie
• write proposals, briefing papers and summaries which move things forward in your direction

Practice your skills in these three communication arenas to ensure you maximise your impact. Get feedback from your stakeholders to gauge the impact of your communication and identify where you may need to shift your approach.

Understate to manage expectations. Overblown and exaggerated claims may impress at the beginning of a project. But they set you up for failure. You will not be able to deliver against the heightened expectations you have created. Instead, others will be disillusioned. Understatement is more powerful than overstatement. Control others’ expectations at the outset, emphasising the difficulties and the hazards of the planned activity. Explain how you can navigate through the potential problems to help others. Then pull out the stops to ensure the project comes in before deadline with outcomes which exceed their original expectations.

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